Blood & Butter

Because everything goes better with butter. I guess. Except for “bad mom” moments. Like when you’re in another room checking your email, and you completely disregard your daughter who’s yelling that the nameless little boy is pushing buttons on the microwave (meaning, he’s pushed a chair over to the counter, climbed up, and is now standing on the stove).

Then you walk back into the kitchen to see said little boy holding a chefs knife with a huge glob of butter on it. And blood all over the front of the microwave. Mother of the Year for this one.  And to an extent Big Sister of the Year as well for thinking that pushing buttons was more critical than playing with chefs knives.  I would have come running for that one.

So, I screech, yank the knife out of the boy’s hand, pick him up, and rinse off his hand (since it’s covered in blood) to try to find where he cut himself. I looked all over him and never found the source of the blood. There was nary a cut anywhere. So he somehow managed to smear a lot of blood on the microwave from an invisible nick.

Once the “thank god I don’t have to go to the emergency room for yet another child’s injury” moment passed, I surveyed the damage. Blood on the microwave, blood on the butter, butter in the blender, butter in the silverware holder that goes in the dishwasher, and butter on and in the knife block. It had been a fresh stick of butter (and by golly, I wasn’t going to let it go to waste). I managed to salvage most of it, rinsing or scraping off blood as needed, and put it back on the butter dish. I don’t think I managed to get all of the knife block crumbs out of it, but oh well…what’s a few more scraps of plastic?

When DH got home that night, I handily waited until he was buttering some toast before I told him what happened. The pained expression that crossed his face was priceless. Generally, he’s very stoic and does not show any kind of outward emotion.  He stopped buttering and asked if it was safe to eat. Of course! I said. I rinsed/scraped off all of the blood. You’ll be fine. He just shook his head and ate his toast.

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One response to “Blood & Butter

  1. That is hilarious! As the Dormouse would say, “but it was the best butter!”

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